Going back to "When I was 15.."

I didn't actually got to ask one talk to one of my seniors about what i posted just now..

This is going out to one of my paling paling yang disukai Senior, Kak Farihah..

Ok.. you might freak out on Why I suddenly writting on you..
Don't worry la, im not gonna kutuk you.. I'm a good boy kan!

Before you actually continue.. I hope that you are actually in a good mood like usual.. And it would also help if you go far far back into the Cousin that I use to call back in your schooling days! (^^,)

Ok.. like this la..

About the blog that I posted before this.. Well, what actually inspired me to write that was.. Well.. you!

You must know that i wasn't angry, nor any kinda hatred situation when i wrote it la..

I wanted to write something.. but something else pulak come out.. Well thats blogging isn't it..

I want to ask you the same question I was asked..

How did we actually got close??

My answer was personally the time when we called each other Cousins! and called Sim Yee, Aunty..

Well, Sim Yee spoke like my aunty did when she advised me on something and from then on, I, no wait! ACTUALLY ALL MY FRIENDS, refer to her as aunty!
It was fun you see.. And when i got to know that she was ordering you around like she was your mom or something.. It somehow connects..

YOU - Sim Yee's Daughter, My Cousin
SIM YEE - Your MOM, My Aunty
ME - Myself, Your Cousin, Sim Yee's Nephew..

Those times were actually times i didn't actually feel anything to be ashammed of.. I like being in those situations.. I didn't care what others had to say..
It was just great that the both of us actually got to know each other better day by day.. We didn't had any problems with each other, we could trust each other will all our heart AND most importantly say what actually crossed our minds..

There were ups and downs obviously during our those times but there was more happier than sad..

I won't lie to say that theres no one for me to talk to.. I have Kar Fei, Calvin, Naz and all of them to say what i feel inside..
But myself felt even secured and excited when i could actually talk to you instead of them..

Could you recall the times when i actually was afraid to go to Teresa's Birthday Party? how you would force me to go..
Remember the time when I smsed you at about 1.15 in the morning when i was going through a hard time watching one of my friends leave to Korea?
And remember when you smsed me the song dedication.. the one by Def Leopards.. How could i ever forget that song..

Everytime I play that song in my media player and i recall you saying I'm always two steps behind you..

But now, when i turn around.. I don't see you there.. Where did you go?
Or is it me who has been running too far..

I didn't want what we had to end in an instant.. But honestly speaking.. I think that we were not the same as we use to be..

Remember another song you told me to listen..

Stay the same by Joey Mcintyre..

How i have been the same and never seen you there with me.. Its just sad.. You do see me when we hang around with the guys.. But what we once use to have is not there.. Its like.. The body is there but the soul is somewhere else..
I become this person who don't know what to do when i see you after a long time.. I don't know what to say.. All i think about is the past..

I really want you to know that I'm not saying this to you to insult you or tell how lousy you were.. SCREW all the people who think that way!
But.. the point of this 1 hour blog writting is on how much I miss the past.. How much I miss you.. and How much you meant to me..

Yes Couz! i didn't had the chance to say this to you..
And now.. I want you to know..

That You are the best senior I ever had..
And I would like to thank you..
Thank you for everything..
Everything you've been to me..
Just Thank You.. for You..

Ex-Seniors

Well.. personally Fridays are full of stories for me.. What can I say.. Friday is my day i guess..

Today, Sarah asked me about something that was related to the past.. Something related with my relationships with my ex-seniors..
I was basically telling her all I could think of during that moment.. But i didn't got to actually finish it and got lost in certain moments..

I walked home knocking my head against the wall trying to recall those past glory moments.. And Yes! There it was..

Back in the 'glory' days as I like to call it, durin' the times of Ma Il Hyok, Cik Ruzana, Calvin... Life was as beautiful as the sunrise and the sunset.. Life was special.. Full of drama and excitement..
But I specifically called it special because of the people who I met, who I got to know, people who brought a certain meaning into my life, My ex-seniors..

To be more specific..

My most fortunate batch of seniors includes the likes of Kak Farihah, Sim Yee, Kak Arinah, and Ivan..

Till the very present day, I actually thank God that they keep in touch with me as I keep in touch with them..
But, it wasn't like how it use to back when I was in form 3..

They macam don't actually message you often like they do, they don't check out on you like the use to, they don't speak about you or even mention your names like how they use to, they are basically back to unknowns we didn't even got to meet..

See.. People intend to grow up and start to forget about what happened years and years ago.. I'm not blamming them for that though.. Personally, I understand that times change and its like time to move on with our own lifes kinda philosophy..
This is called Maturing..

For me.. I understand this cause i've been through a very very short spell of this maturing times.. (Yea, back when I was in Fridays), you didn't actually thought about the people that you use to hang out with but instead, you focus more into the people that you are with at that moment.. But Hey! I was a Part time student so this thing only had a little effect on me and on my friends.. (Don't worry guys! I'm Still the same Remon.. That is if you want me to be the same)

Back to the story,

You see, its not only a big problem for all you Seniors la.. But take sometime out.. Try thinking again about your Juniors..

How much of a big help you once were to them..
How big of a inspiration you were once to them..

Times when they needed someone and you were always there beside them..

To hear what they had to say..
To walk with them and talk about something..
To be with them when they needed you the most..
To advise them when they really needed some..

When you come to think of it..
Probably the first thing that strucks your mind is "Those times are far from over.. We can't do a thing about it"
Maybe you're right..

But take this second to think back.. ask yourself..

1)"Do they actually still remember me?"

OF COURSE THEY DO!, How can they forget such a great person??

Another questions comes to mind..

2)"Do they actually want to speak to me after a long time?"

THAT IS WHAT THEY DESIRE!

But again you ask yourself..

3)"Then how come they don't keep in touch like they use to?"

BECAUSE they think that you don't want to be disturb! They expect you to make the first move!, You know why?, because they respect the fact that you are busy with things and don't want to interrupt you.. The respect the fact that someone like you has important things to do..

Thats when it comes to your sense

4)"Oh! This explains the sms that i receieve once in every blue moon"

That very sms that you recieve once in a while is called a "Chance/Peluang" to actually talk to you.. Only you don't realise that..


Alot of them actually don't want to say this out loud.. cause they still have the sense of respect towards their ex-seniors priorities..
And I'm also not saying I'm the Villian trying to get you seniors to do something about it..

I'm a person who is not shy to speak his mind.. However, I respect others decision as well..
if you wanted me to shut up in certain matters.. My lips would be sealed..




THINGS EVERYONE READING THIS BLOG SHOULD KNOW ;


This message is not especially to my Ex-Seniors..

BUT

This is to everyone..



MAY I REMIND YOU..

that somewhere, without you realising, you're an inspiration to someone..
Don't ever let them down by doing things like this ok?

Thank you very much and come again..

Disturbing People..

This is personally to those who actually think of peoples privacy as a joke..

Too all those who are gossipers, (especially the girls in my class) [I'm not pin pointing anyone so who eats the chilli will definitly feel the heat] and actually has something to say to others without even respecting its privacy..

Its not about "the one that got the information person" i care about.. But its "the information giver".. What was worse is that they made up a story of their own.. Just because you saw something with your naked eye doesn't explain the whole situation ok!

If you really want to know something.. confront me, i dare you.. ask me what you feel like asking! Don't go on making your own stories just to spend time..

You see i don't care if you actually saw me doing something and you are talking good/bad about it.. I'm only upset bout the fact that you make up something and hurt others feeling so badly by this..

Personally,
I don't care what people has to say..
For me..
I only care what people (who cares for me)+[example; My closes friends] has to say..
For those who I don't care about, Well its obvious isn't it..
I Don't Care!!

But imagine the painful upset you might cause to one of your other friends that was unfortunate to be in my shoes.. Would you even think a second of how much pain that you might cause this person just by "as the malays say it" Fitnah seorang tanpa sebarang pertanyaan ataupun bukti.. I feel you get the point people..

To tell you the truth, I think you only do this cause you don't understand the meaning of Respect towards others Privacy..

Well
Go ahead..
Tell the world..
I don't care..
Let them know what a bunch of jerks that you people are..

An "A"mbarassement..

Its been a while since i last posted..

Well.. today is basically about what happened today and whats gonna happen tomorrow..

See we (Class 5A) are involved in this choral speaking for the english week.. and since its actually tomorrow.. Pn Poon thought it would be a great idea to go through it just one more time before tomorrow.. I personally agreed as well..

The coordinater is Nadine and she was suppose to lead the choral speakers.. which was a hard job due to the fact that most of them had their own things to say.. It was like everyone was a leader of their own.. They were instructing people to do things and they on the other hand can't listen to simple instruction.. The thing with them is their reluctancy to follow simple orders and to cooperate with the leader..

I stood up at one point and asked this question "How many leaders do we have?? I believe that Nadine is the leader and why don't we all just listen to her?" All of them stood in silence..

Isn't like 5A suppose to be an example to all the other students? Imagine if the Form 4 or Form 3 were there to see how we practise.. They will definitly disrespect us.. Not to say theres anything wrong there.. But aren't we the "Role Models" for the others? Aren't we like suppose to be showing a good example to the others? Why are we being so stubborn?

The message to the all of you is to stop being like a bunch of spoiled kids.. Stubborn, Silly and Reluctant!

Tomorrow were gonna do the choral speaking and i hope that everyone gives their cooperation..

15/02

On one of the days last week, I actually got to know the true meaning (well at least part of it) of what was life and love all bout.. It was one day that I actually wouldn't really wished for it to end.. I felt that I could not let go of the rose that I touched.. The torns were nothing to me.. I didn't felt anything hurtful or painful.. for me.. that moment was as peaceful as night.. It was being in Heaven.. (I classify Heaven as being with the people you love)

The rose that i held for a long time didn't felt as if i held it really long at all.. It shows that if you actually are with the things/people you love.. Time just freezes.. Its like nothing else was moving.. I had that feeling.. yea.. Time stopped.. It was like it didn't move a second front.. How I wished so much that the day didn't actually came to an end.. Somehow it had to.. But i didn't regret nor forget one each moment of it..

This could go on and on and on.. But i don't think i want to elaborate even further.. I'll keep the rest in my heart where it belongs..

Valentines Day

Well, I had a quick stinct with TGI Friday's while studying on February. Since there was a one week holiday, I didn't see any problem la. Besides Mr Darren asked me to come back during Chinese New Year and I said i would. Well, working with a whole bunch of funny, crazy and hyper people was a good thing. It made me learn alot, i gain alot of experience from my time with them.

Here are some shots to give you the picture of the people i worked with. From there you can have your opinion on them.




From left to right, Arjay Marcello Mayor, Remon, Sophia, Mr Shan, Mr Steve, Timothy Nelson. Funny thing is, I'm second tallest but the youngest one in the group. Haha. Great team.

Ahh, what can i say? Both my personal favorite DubDub's. Arjay (Bartender) and Timmothy. My favorite picture of all.

These 2 are my wacky bosses. Mr Steve and Mr Shan. Look like Jet Lee.. haha.. funny times.

This was a small groupie photo before the end of the day and it was quite unique.

Ahh! this is a better one, Almost all of them were in except Rohana, Alisha, Shaeker and one more guy whos name escapes me rite now. The TGIF family. haha.

Great food, Great drinks, serve by friendly people in a warm and fun atmosphere.

Valentines Day was one of those days when guest would come running in, so it was expected to be really busy which infact was!.

Timmy was right..

Eh! Another blog entry..

Timmy was right bout certain things..
I'm more matured than you guys..
It is time to let it all out people..

Ever since i started work and left it..
I become more matured compared to my friends..
I mean.. My way of thinking has been far more wider.. and I'm far matured then the rest of them.. Its like.. being with a butch of primary students.. (I'm not trying to insult anyone)..

You guys might also point the finger and say "this guy pun sama juga.. Dia nak kutuk orang lain pulak".. To tell you the truth.. After finishing my part time work on December, I came back to school, I was forced to "become" you guys.. I mean.. I was risking everything if I were to be straight forward with everyone.. the rate of people being offended would be very very high..

I just sit and observe you guys (You guys* refers to my friends), to realise that almost all of you are still.. Immatured..

You guys fight for the wrong reasons..
You guys are too secretive..
You guys can't be straight forward..

Its like you all are afraid..
I mean.. im not asking you to do anything.. But just take a second and think about what i just wrote.. For me personally, I have nothing to lose to tell someone how i think about the person.. Don't have to be damn secretive unless you nak suspense gila with someone la..

Remember people! I'm not telling you to change yourself..
I think you have the idea of what i'm trying to tell you eh?
If you still don't.. then i think that you seriously need a good english mentor.. Or the second thing you could do is to Ask..

Speaking of ask..
I would like to share another thing with you..

As the saying in the bible goes..
"Ask and you shall be given,
Seek and ye shell find,
Knock and the door shall be open onto you"

Once again, i'm not trying to "Berlagak" that my bible knowledge is damn high or something..

I would ask all of you to take your time and understand this scripture.. You must never be afraid of asking someone for something that you require.. Never stop searching and eventually you'll find it (< Ok la.. this part i can't agree much cause I live in KL, study in SMKTM = Places where pick pockets and thieves are a threat!).. and Obviously if you go to someones house and Knock the door.. they will open it for you.. (unless the person is not at home)

It all makes sense right? Its a scripture that i would like everyone of you to understand.. Never be afraid to ask..


Before I end this Blog..

People.. Please don't get offended! I'm not saying
"who eat the chilli will feel the heat" = (better translated in Malay)
or something like that.. I'm just saying what i feel..
K la.. like this.. If you offended i also cannot do anything.. Not my fault.. I don't think that I'm lying or descriminating anyone.. Instead of trying to disagree.. Just agree!

Back..

Surprise!

Yea I'm online.. Yea I failed to keep my words.
I thought that i personally needed to come online to write a blog..

Well.. it was about what happened 2 nights ago..
There was an argument between my mom, me and my uncle..

I didn't reply back to what they had to say about me cause i don't care if they were wrong or right. At one moment, They kept saying things that i didn't thought i could hear..
Things that i thought i wouldn't cry over..
Things that made me break down..
Things that made me gave up everything..
Things that made me felt that my presence at earth wasn't meant to be..
Things that offended me so badly that i wished God took me away..

Despite all this.. I just stared outside through the window.. I began speaking to someone who wasn't there.. I asked if that was my faith..

Everyone was asleep except me.. I was still sitting on the my bed staring out the window.. I took a glimpse at the clock and saw the time..

2.30am..
I didn't care bout the time.. it didn't really matter at that specific moment.. I began asking questions..

Was it my fault for doing the things I love?
Was it my fault for trying to help?
Is it my fault that I follow my passion?
Is it my fault that I'm trying to be responsible?
Am I not allowed to be given a chance to prove myself?
Am I not worth giving in?
Why do I even try?
Why do I even care?

I sat in that very dark room on my bed and stared at the wall where a portrait of Jesus Christ was hanging on the wall.. I couldn't see the picture clearly.. But I did see the glow on His hands and feet.. The same hands and feet where He got the wounds when He was nailed upon the cross..

It was something special.. At that very moment.. I had a feeling and everything came to me.. It was as if I had the answers all at the back of my hand..

I came to a conclusion in where

When you're alone speaking to yourself about things.. Good or Bad.. Your actually speaking to God Himself without even realising it.. and He is your Best Friend for that moment..
He was listening to you..
Hearing what you have to say..
Giving you the solutions that you need..
and Didn't gave up on you..

I encrypted 4 major words i felt made the change in my life..

SALVATION
REDEMPTION
LOVE
JESUS

I added the word Tgi Fridays cause i was working there for a while..

Tuesday was the next day.. Most of my classmates approached me and said I'm not being "The Me" that I always use to be.. But instead the quiet'er version.. I didn't care what they had to say.. for what I had in mind is to do what I was told to do.. Some noticed that there were writing on my hands but didn't actually care about it.. There was one who actually took my hand and looked clearly at the words.. I guess she didn't know and didn't wanted to know what do they mean..

It was there..
I've learned something.. Something that no one else could understand..
Something that has change my character..
Something that has change my inner feelings..
Something that has change the way I think..
Trully I've become brave and wise..
and i would like to thank Him..
Thank You..


Now for the reason I'm online..

You see people.. I've learned something..
Making Resolutions is not a competition in where who can do better than anyone else.. Its something that needs to be sacrificed for a good purpose.. its about changing yourself..

People tell me that i break my resolutions by coming online.. Let me tell you what this resolution has made me..

I used to be a computer addict..
I would sit my bum down the computer up till 3am chatting..

but this year.. it has all change..
I barely go online to check my mails..
I rarely check my MySpace, FS, etc accounts..
heck, I rarely even come online!
and whats better is i don't even care!

That has made me a changed person.. and thats good enough..
For the people who say i don't keep my promises..
Well.. That answers your question!

BTW it feels great to blog again.. something I'm starting to like..
What would be greater if the reader could actually give me some feedbacks.. ask questions, clear doubts.. ANYTHING! I don't matter who you are.. From my bestfriend till my hatred enemy.. Anyone! I won't mind.. and yes.. I know if you're reading or not.. Its just the matter of if you're admit or not.. Thanks..

I'll sign off now..
Regards..
Remon (People who change)