Another turning point..

Well it was time to post another blog since its been like weeks since i did, Well basically life has just mean something else to me..


I've been lazing in the present and haven't thought anything about my future.. Till me and her had a small "arguing" going on.. She talked about the future and suddenly i thought about it..


It took me minutes to realise


what was upon me..
what is gonna happen to me..
what are the things i have to sacrifice..
what are the responsiblilities thats coming for me..


In one whole second.. my dreams just went down the drain..
My life wasn't meant to be for myself, i had a whole family with me. You see, i don't come from a noble or wealthy family. I would call it "an average, good-to-do family". My dad earns about 2-3K in a month and my Mom earns about the same amount as well, to support 3 children. Living in Malaysia, you could consider that as "an okay okay" situation. I don't intend to live more than my expectation, i only do with what i have. Once in a while i do take my time out for leisure with friends, kinda have the fun that my parents thing i deserve.


See, i don't fit in a catagory that says Go chase your dreams.. Im more in the "you still have to work and support your family" situation.. See.. I have a sick dad and about 5 years from now, He.. well.. i don't know what could happen.. Its just sad to even thing about it.. I would have to instantly be supporting the family after then..

So its like I can't be given the opportunity to try to do what i want to do and i don't mind taking care of my family. The mean everything to me and im gonna be the one to take care of them. I don't have to rely on my sister or brother to take care of them. I could do it on my own.

The thing is, thinking about this.. i don't even know what i'm gonna do with myself.. whats gonna happen to me.. and being in the science stream with the hospitality course in mind just makes things worst. I don't want to waste my time doing nothing.. but theres nothing left for me to do. I mean even if i do study hard and get results, i'm still gonna end up looking after my family. Not that its a bad thing.

And being more attentive with my family and my future role in supporting my family, I don't even think i have time to be around my friends, no time to leisure (probably once or twice i would), and no time to spend with my love one. I'll be more focus on my family instead of the rest. I have to put a stop into everything that is if unless my girlfriend has no problems with the situation i'm going through. But i doubt that any girls would actually have no problems. Surely they want a guy who's always there to make them feel like there is no one else but them. I don't think there is.. But if there was.. wah.. her boyfriend is the luckiest guy on earth..

Back to the story, Even if i was commited to my love, it just can't work out between us.. lets just say that our relationship was a mistake. We can't deny the fact that both our believing and teachings are against each other as well as our status. I would have fully commited myself to the presence of Christ the Lord after my confirmation takes place and definitly you won't convert yourself or even been allowed to do so. Malaysia is that way. I don't want to go into a religious topic.

Girl you must understand this one thing. Love is not a nightmare. Its really beautiful and pure. Its just that, you love the wrong person. Its just wrong for the both of us to live a lie and carry on with our lives that way. We had to put a stop to it, and i guess that the faster we stopped it would be better for the both of us. Love is never a heartache, it is beautiful. I don't want you to place love in a wrong category. Remember that love is everything you'll ever dream of having. Life without love is not is just incomplete.

Another thing you should know is that I only said that our relationship was a mistake. You should bear in mind that i have never ever regretted the times that i was with you. Everything that we did together was true. You're just the best I ever had. Although destiny has not allowed us to be together, I don't think that i'll ever fall in love with a girl like you. You always seem to be perfect to me. You'll always be in my heart and as how much as i have to let you go, i'll always cherish the love we had.

I don't want you back and you don't need me back okay, You're just the best i ever had.
As how much as i can try, i don't think that i could get you off of my mind.
But Someday i believe that you would completely forget who i was in your life, and i will pray for that day to come.

I'm sorry for not being the special one in your life..
I really wish i could be..
I just want to but i can't..
Its our faith..
and we gotta accept that fact..

Maybe in the afterlife, we could be together and then we could love each other. Nothing can stop us then.. ^^

At least now i have a reason to die for..