The Ultimate War at VI

It was the week that the lads and I was looking forward to..

The VI competition..

We've been preparing for the tournament since the start of the year and Saturday training was always complusary to everyone. We've been training and placing all our efforts in seeking our weak points and trying to overcome it as well as identifiying the most capable solutions to the problems. Despite the interruptions like extra school-day, Cuccuriculum activities, or any other things which makes us involve in school, we still managed to train as hard as well as enjoy ourselves during the process.

I told to the team earlier that if we would be drawn into a match against a team, i was hoping to get either VI, Dato Lokman or MBS as the opponents. It was clear that i had a vision and I wanted to achieve what ever was on my mind.

When we got the invitation form from VI through Choon Liong, he just placed the names he thought would be appropriate and my mistake was letting him to do so without me actually consulting the list of players that would actually be playing. And so the players that were named are as follows.

Eko Juniardi
Hafiz Wahidduzzaman
Chan Choon Liong
Fong Kheng Wai
Ku Wei Xiong
Ho Kar Fei
Mogan Kalimuthu
Lee Sin Ken
Looi Kah Shien
Loh Win Sung
Calvin Yong
Saw Xian Ling
Nazim Amin
Remon Melchizedek
Aliff Hakim

The problem here was Aliff couldn't make it due to a relative function he had to attend and the other problem was there were too many defenders and less attackers. We had to make or better said 'force' defenders to play in midfield areas. We had to suddenly depend on the players that we had and no others. Luckily Acap (Asraff) was still around, so we brought him in to balance up the tactical formations.

Well, Naz, Loh, Eko, Fiz, Acap and I met up on the at Rejababe at 8pm and from there we went to school to see get Calvin. We all took the bus to Pudu, inwhere Looi will meet us a Dynamic Bookstore. Oh yea, by the way today was the first time Nazim travelled on a Public Bus!! So highlight this day please, its very important that everyone knows whats happening. Well, im not so suprised by this cause Isfahan and Kheng Wai's first time on Public Buses was with me as well. Not to say i forced them to take it but I wanted them to experience how it felt like.

Personally, i would rather take the bus than to ask my parents to send me somewhere or to be carpooled by someone. Well not that i wanna cover macho say i cool or stuff, but rather give my parents a break. I mean i don't want to like force my parents to send me somewhere, why burden them? Well for those who still car pool or ask their parents to drive them around, I understand (Theft cases).

EH, off topic. Now, that we stopped infront of the Times Square and near Penjara Pudu, we walked till VI. Naz said he really enjoyed walking, he liked the adventure ^^. Yea so did I. We were listening to Hitz FM radio station on our players and they interviewed one of the DJ on how he spend his holiday. He replied by saying he was eaten by a shark o.O"

Well, VI wasn't really far and I remembered we all steped in with our RIGHT FOOT, kinda the indian tradition thingy. So we didn't waste anytime and we did warm ups. Now that all the members were present, we played a small training match as well as some tactical training. By the time all our training was done, one of the referees called us.

The game was bout to start and believe me, it was a time of pure pressure for us. When it started, our main plan was to hit VI on the break, but it seemed that the opponents were just too strong. They came from every corner and well we kinda pushed them off. We tried so hard not to allow them to have a opening. We were too busy defending that we didn't really attack at all. VI finally netted one in from a long distance shot. This was really disturbing for the rest of the team.

Well, we did attack 3 times in the first half. Nazim took a shot which deflected off the lefthand post, I attacked from the right wing and tried to shoot but the defender closed me down and I attacked again from the right wing but this time the keeper saved my shot. Though we were trying very hard to attack, the VI defenders was just too fast to close us down. The score line was 1-0 at half time.

Everyone was 'dying' during half time, exhausted, painful, stressed out and more exhausted. We just can't do anything but continue playing the way we played and hoped that we could make a comeback. Well, one of our biggest weakness though was that the all of us depended so much on Saw Xian Ling that when he got injured during the second half period, we just couldn't play properly. 2 more goals went in for VI from long range shots. VI managed to find our weak point; Long Range affords. We failed to close them down in time that when the shots went in, it went straight into the goal.

We just couldn't continue. The faces on the lads were really dissapointing. They knew what was upon them.

Saw Xian Ling out, We were losing to 3-0, We only managed to hit 3 shots so far, We had several of our players really exhausted.

But there was one moment of magic for us. We hit VI on the counter attack. Acap played the ball to me from the midfield area and it was a one-on-two situation. I managed to scoop the ball past the first defender and went up against the second defender. My only option left was the only thing i'm good at, run. I used my pace against the second defender and fought my way to the penalty area. I heard Loh screamin "SHOOT IT REMON" and being in a tight angle i just took a shot from the right side of the goal and SCORED!. 3-1. Well, after the shot i had a short term cram.

I didn't want to let my team down. This proved that theres still a chance to actually score. It wasn't impossible, all we needed was faith and a barrel of 100 PLUS for everyone. We played so well, but everytime we tried harder, our stamina just decreased. All we could was just maintain our game play cause if we do attack, VI can easily catch us in the counter attack. Besides, VI wasn't gonna allow us to get through them again.

The game grew intense and eventually VI scored again. 4-1 the score line and I asked the referee about the time. He told me there was 5 minutes left. Knowing that it was imposible for us to match such a "well prepared" VI, i told the lads to stop trying too hard. Just relax and avoid injuries. VI scored again and we time was up. For some reason the Referee didn't blow the whistle and again VI scored. I was like Wad?? 6-1 the score line.

Yea, Team Hawk was trashed by the best team in Kuala Lumpur. After the final whistle, i took a look at the lads on one side of the field. I went up to everyone of my players and congratulated and thank them for their hard work and achievement. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to the players as I was personally disappointed with myself for letting the whole team down. My speed, my stamina, all i depended on failed me on the day of the tournament. I went to a side and didn't want to be disturbed.

For all i know, I am proud of the guys, No, Im proud of my team. Team Hawk. Everyone of them didn't gave up till the final whistle, especially the hardworking defenders. I have never been so proud of anything more then this. This has been one of the most, wait, THE MOST (it topped the list) tiring event of my life. I never felt so exhausted in my life. It felt like dying. Worst then any CrossCountry race i ever took part in.

And after some time, i realize that i couldn't run like how i used to after that bitter defeat.

Wisdom Tooth or just a pain in the "toot"

Yea.. its been going on and on and on! It really hurts!

I got up one morning realising theres a tiny tooth growing on the back of my other teeths. It was popping out from the gums. yea try imagining it. It really hurts and i have no idea why did it had to happen at a time like this. Dah la its holidays, time to relax and get all sorts of problems away from me for a while then this thing pulak.

Its been quite a disturbing few days due to that instant and continuous pain on the left part of my jaw. I almost feel like just tearing it out. But hey, i gotta be patience so i try so much not to talk and move my mouth.

The only time i feel better is only after i awake from my sleep. The pain keeps occuring during the times i try eating, talking, and well it just hurts so bad la. I'm not whinnning about a stupid ache on the back of my teeth but seriously it does so badly hurts.

Well, i decided to tell my mom about having a painful toothache and for some reason i was told to guggle with salt and put that spice thingy on my tooth there.

But obviously it was only temporary so i couldn't really feel the pain but placing that spice thing on my tooth every single day, wasseh my mouth later damn bitter.

One more thing i keep hearing from my family members is that i'm growing a wisdom tooth, something that only occurs during thre age of 21 or so.. Hmmmm.. what does this means?? hmmmm... Well for one thing i know, it really hurts and i cant enjoy my meals, and i can't even talk properly now.

Dah la i keep mumbling everytime, now things gets even worse.

I just hope this toothache gets better sooner.

A day on my phone..

Kinda odd kan?

Well, the title might mean nothing to the reader or anyone else but it sure does means alot to me. Well, remembering what happened yesterday i just decided to call KF to find out how was she doing..

Memang i was in a state of shock la, i was really shaken by the news, kinda got me worried. I needed, so badly, to know if she was ok so i decided to call her in the afternoon. Well, first i try takdapat. I also blurblur try again la. Then dapat, she pick up the call and i was like hello.. But it was quite busy in the background i couldn't hear what she was saying. I asked her bout the incident and she said it was nothing and said she will call me back.

I also ok la. Then i waited for a while, i thought to myself.. Oh yea Remon, you did it again.. Now you made a total fool out of yourself. "At this time, i dunno what was happening la" My crazy mind was telling me she wasn't interest to listen to me and hence i am a complete fool for calling her..

But i didn't care less la.. I only wanted to know how she is feeling thats it.. At times like this, we gotta set our sides about our differences. Thats what i think was the proper thing to do. Besides, only I can understand the situation i was in.

when i received a call back from Her, she sounded fine. Then i asked her bout the voice thingy and i got to understand what happened. I actually felt much relieved and better when she told me that everything is getting better. I'm just happy that she is fine.

Whats even better was that 4 minutes was just something special. Not only that i got to know what happen, what was better is that I finally spoke to her after a long time. It was really nice to chat with her. And for the time being i only wanna wish the best for her.

Thanks alot Couz..

Something We Should Learn about Life..

The Sacrament of Confirmation

Yea.. its done.. I'm finally recieve the sacrament of confirmation yesterday evening. It was an event not to miss for me. I was really nervous at first. Who would be? well the whole ceremony took place and the Bishop was there to bless us confirmers.

<<< Have a look see

Yea.. i was in perfect white sleeves and my White Lee's was just making me look fine.. Oh yea.. To top it all off, me and my orange tie did the thing..

Oh yea, when the Bishop did the annoting of the oil. He called me SIMON????

Remon? Simon?? well that just proves that the Bishop had bad vision. He didn't really see my nametag! haihz!! Bad bad eye sight! Opps.. ahh.. Sorry Sir.. Father..

Well, the ceremony ended and well it was the last time that the sunday school students actually needed to be together. It was the last time, so it was pretty emotional and stuff like that.

We still can't forget our duties as Christians from now on..

We have to get rid of the old and in with the new..

I just felt so relieved and now its like getting a second chance in life to do something right.

What a time to get it and as a faithful servant to the Lord i'm gonna do only whats right, In pleasing others, loving thy neighbour, I'm gonna treat everyone as an equal. Back to the old philosophy.. One blood, One life..

Well, I wanna do only whats right and nothing else. It seems that now is the time to be aware of the wrong doings thats coming my way.

Like a rejuvinated person, i'm prepared to accept what is about to come.

Redemption is done, Forgiveness is the key and of all Salvation is near..

Spam or the Real Deal?

recently there has been a wide rumour that theres been black magic being used in our modern day technology devise a.k.a. handphone.

Its like if someone calls you and the number has
- extra digits
- red fonts
- a bracket (4)

Its a curse message i guess.

What happened according to a few experts surrounding me (my classmates) was that there was this indo guy who bought a spirit from a bomoh. But in order to keep the spirit, the owner has to take good care of it and by doing that, the spirit will serve the master nicely. But it seemed that the owner was careless and didn't care bout the spirit and now the spirit is not obeying the owners request/demands. The only way for the owner to get back his spirit is by killing many people.

Somehow this smart ass got to the phone connection and started killing people from there..

I really don't think that this crap is real.. But it has somehow effected a few people and i don't think i wanna play a fool in this situation. My ex-senior was one of the victims and i praise the Lord that she didn't listen to it fully instead she off it after a few seconds listening to it. Her hearing became bad after that incident and she became sick. She kinda cheated death when this happened. God must really had loved her so much. I only wish that i could see her and talk to her. God is great.. God is good..

This thing has been making people go bizzare about their children and their own safety. I personally didn't like the fact that it made my niece so frightful until i had to comfort her so long. She didn't even go to bed that night and also by the fact it has (or better said : almost) affected one of my long lost friends. Its just something stupid. Killing hundreds over one stupid thing.

Oh God you do know best, and I plead that you give this person the punishment You thing he deserves.

Modern day spirit, they have no time to come scare you face to face. They prefer to use technology these days. Haihzz...

Lets just hope and pray that this contreveSIAL will end soon.

Another turning point..

Well it was time to post another blog since its been like weeks since i did, Well basically life has just mean something else to me..


I've been lazing in the present and haven't thought anything about my future.. Till me and her had a small "arguing" going on.. She talked about the future and suddenly i thought about it..


It took me minutes to realise


what was upon me..
what is gonna happen to me..
what are the things i have to sacrifice..
what are the responsiblilities thats coming for me..


In one whole second.. my dreams just went down the drain..
My life wasn't meant to be for myself, i had a whole family with me. You see, i don't come from a noble or wealthy family. I would call it "an average, good-to-do family". My dad earns about 2-3K in a month and my Mom earns about the same amount as well, to support 3 children. Living in Malaysia, you could consider that as "an okay okay" situation. I don't intend to live more than my expectation, i only do with what i have. Once in a while i do take my time out for leisure with friends, kinda have the fun that my parents thing i deserve.


See, i don't fit in a catagory that says Go chase your dreams.. Im more in the "you still have to work and support your family" situation.. See.. I have a sick dad and about 5 years from now, He.. well.. i don't know what could happen.. Its just sad to even thing about it.. I would have to instantly be supporting the family after then..

So its like I can't be given the opportunity to try to do what i want to do and i don't mind taking care of my family. The mean everything to me and im gonna be the one to take care of them. I don't have to rely on my sister or brother to take care of them. I could do it on my own.

The thing is, thinking about this.. i don't even know what i'm gonna do with myself.. whats gonna happen to me.. and being in the science stream with the hospitality course in mind just makes things worst. I don't want to waste my time doing nothing.. but theres nothing left for me to do. I mean even if i do study hard and get results, i'm still gonna end up looking after my family. Not that its a bad thing.

And being more attentive with my family and my future role in supporting my family, I don't even think i have time to be around my friends, no time to leisure (probably once or twice i would), and no time to spend with my love one. I'll be more focus on my family instead of the rest. I have to put a stop into everything that is if unless my girlfriend has no problems with the situation i'm going through. But i doubt that any girls would actually have no problems. Surely they want a guy who's always there to make them feel like there is no one else but them. I don't think there is.. But if there was.. wah.. her boyfriend is the luckiest guy on earth..

Back to the story, Even if i was commited to my love, it just can't work out between us.. lets just say that our relationship was a mistake. We can't deny the fact that both our believing and teachings are against each other as well as our status. I would have fully commited myself to the presence of Christ the Lord after my confirmation takes place and definitly you won't convert yourself or even been allowed to do so. Malaysia is that way. I don't want to go into a religious topic.

Girl you must understand this one thing. Love is not a nightmare. Its really beautiful and pure. Its just that, you love the wrong person. Its just wrong for the both of us to live a lie and carry on with our lives that way. We had to put a stop to it, and i guess that the faster we stopped it would be better for the both of us. Love is never a heartache, it is beautiful. I don't want you to place love in a wrong category. Remember that love is everything you'll ever dream of having. Life without love is not is just incomplete.

Another thing you should know is that I only said that our relationship was a mistake. You should bear in mind that i have never ever regretted the times that i was with you. Everything that we did together was true. You're just the best I ever had. Although destiny has not allowed us to be together, I don't think that i'll ever fall in love with a girl like you. You always seem to be perfect to me. You'll always be in my heart and as how much as i have to let you go, i'll always cherish the love we had.

I don't want you back and you don't need me back okay, You're just the best i ever had.
As how much as i can try, i don't think that i could get you off of my mind.
But Someday i believe that you would completely forget who i was in your life, and i will pray for that day to come.

I'm sorry for not being the special one in your life..
I really wish i could be..
I just want to but i can't..
Its our faith..
and we gotta accept that fact..

Maybe in the afterlife, we could be together and then we could love each other. Nothing can stop us then.. ^^

At least now i have a reason to die for..

Last day incharge of the Koop..

Well.. I had a stint with the koop since form 2 which actually ended today.. Kinda sad actually.. This is where it all started.. Calvin.. Nazim.. Class A.. Cik Ruzana.. and everything else.. Yea.. the good old days...

Well, they had the usual Annual Koop meeting at the afternoon as usual, Nazim started the ceremony with a prayer (for the Malays). This time out I was too busy to listen what that pengetua had to say. Cause i have a personal grudge against her. So i continued coloring the poster which everyone had to do.. I didn't quite managed to finish but hey, it looked really interesting.. To be honest, i haven't actually had so much of passion in coloring since Form 3 when Arts was a subjects (Pendidikan Seni) in where Pn Razidah (a.k.a. Sotong) would force us to draw and color.. haihz.. But it was fun..

I only realized how much i missed coloring since then.. Only when i first drew the poster.. I took a pencil color so nervously.. walau.. and the dedication towards the art was really there.. Although there was a slim chance for me to actually out beat the drawings of the other students.. i did it for the passion.. It was there i felt so calm..

OI! back to the koop! haha.. Well, i was finishing up my coloring when they asked someone to start the meeting minutes.. So i stood up per request of Nazim, Kheng Wai and All the rest of the people sitting at my radius and said "I agree to the start of the meetings minute" and naz supported me..

Well, only that was gonna be our final day incharge, i took time out to think about the past.. Those memories la.. Weird, funny, happy times in the koop.. and also the sleeping times.. hahaha.. Well, It was fun.. Here is where Calvin, Nazim and I got to know each other better as well as bring more fun to out lifes and well.. it was a history in the koop la.. Just a small part of everything..

I personally appreciate those times when Cik Ruzana and Cik Zurina was still around to actually ask us bout the koop and more importantly asking for our opinions.. Cause they know we are the "Pros" of the koop and we know whats best for it.. In other words.. they trust us knowing that we are dedicated to the job.. They knew that we could handle the koop..

Well since the arrival of Cik Diana.. nothing has been going well.. basically the koop has become a mess.. Not saying that we have something against her or what but she is a person who doesn't like to ask for our opinions being the opposite of Cik Ruzana and or Cik Zurina.. She is the type who wants it done her way whether its good or bad.. Well we were not gonna stop her instead just watch her do what she wants..

Ever since then.. We were not the active lads we once used to be.. But its ok.. I don't think thats bad.. Besides now the koop has its own rules with their own owners and on things la.. I don't care really.. Haihz..

Back to the story.. So our names were called out and we got fired la.. Kinda sad la.. so well that was the end of our Koop Revolution.. haha.. It was fun actually.. the more fun we had in any other Clubs.. Haihz..

Well besides that Nazim left his keys so he had to stay back till 4..
I finished my coloring and passed it up..
I've taken my One-on-one winning streak to 5 but Lost to Clarence in basketball..

I gotta work on my basketball abilities..
I know i can.. its just that..
I'm under severe pressure..
I'm regretful for things I've done and what I've became..

What happens when you cut your hair really short?

Hey people.. yea its been a while..

Recently I got my hair cut which i find at first really interesting.. I've never ask for trimmed this short before... Its as if i was almost bald.. Well it was the same saloon and the same person who would cut my hair for the past 2 years.. So i was more than confidant that she knows what type of hair cut i want..

It was obvious that i'm not the "slope" hair cut person even since the 2006 incident.. haihz.. Well i hair was getting long anyways and it has been like 10 weeks or so la.. in about 2 months plus plus.. since i last cut my hair.

Well.. remembering that it rained so damn freaking heavily when i cut my hair probably a signal or something.. haha.. Well.. the day in school was as usual.. Looi and Daya being the first to actually compliment my new hair cut.. besides my mom who said i don't look like a prime ape anymore..

Haihz.. than it was Mun Hong and the rest who kept looking at my hair.. I noticed that he also had a hair cut.. The rest of the prefects were like... Oh wait.. Nazir.. yea.. he was like.. haihz.. kinda taunting or provoking or something my hair.. I didn't care much la.. Its my hair cut.. i liked it the way it is..

Later on that day.. I entered class la.. Thats when the rest actually noticed my hair cut.. What was worst was when Najihah said I looked like a nerd.. What the Heck was that suppose to mean??? Damn haihz.. Dun care la.. i also dun care.. haihz.. Damn benggang.. ~~~

Well.. I didn't really care la.. Besides it just a hair cut thats all...

Another dilemma in the computer class during Sejarah period.. Masa dah tamat and ketua/penolong was not in the class to actually thank the teacher.. So i asked Looi to say it instead.. He didn't say it.. waiting for Eff instead.. Both also macam taknak say la.. I also fed up already.. Wan to go home somemore wasting my time.. haihz.. So I said, Terima Kasih Pn Jaya.. followed by the class.. All of the sudden Pn Jaya told the class..

"Kelas tolong berikan satu tepukan kepada Remon kerana dia potong rambut" CLAPS CLAPS CLAPS~~~

I was like what the heck?? Cut hair also need standing ovation meh??? omg.. I was laughing la basically.. I didn't know that my old hair cut was so disturbing.. hahaha.. Well.. I still like my hair cut.. I think its probably one of the best short hair cuts that i've made in years.. haha.. Basically thats it la.. No exciting events so far..

Probably the next time i blog.. it would be when something unexpected happens.. So till then.. Ciaoz!!

Out with it..

I won't deny the fact that love is actually an attracting topic loved by many. But in this case, it is just not so sweet.

Recently, i got back with her after breaking up for about a month or so. Well this is how it all started.

Me being in 16 at the time when i actually know that she was kinda interested in me. At first it really didn't make sense. Someone like her? Loving a guy like me? that just wasn't right at all. We were almost the total opposites. Well back to the story, she actually expressed her true feelings through MSN later that year, after school holidays started. At first i didn't wanted to believe that that was the truth but her conversations seemed really serious and it was even like 3am in the morning. I don't think anyone would want to pull a prank especially at that time.

Well, to be honest, yes. I had my eyes on her since back when we met up with each other occasionally when i was 16. It was like I had a one sided crush on her, but even then i wouldn't expect her to actually have feelings for me. I mean, i never expected that out of all the guys in her world, she would pick me. Not that I'm unhappy about it, but it was rather disturbing at first. Why? Well like i said, we were so different.

But one month later she decided that she wanted wants to "have a break" stating that lovers need a break once in a while to rethink. I wasn't gonna oppose her in anyway. But it was rather sad and heartbreaking actually. 1 month we were like calling each other sweethearts and loving each other but it was all through the internet of course. Yea, I should have known it wouldn't last, so yea, i gave her the space she wanted. 1 month passed and school started, By then we were back to being complete unknowns to each other again. Well, there were times that i met up with her and walk pass her, I would just say Hi and thats it. I couldn't go any further by saying anything. Its not like i wanted to ignore her the whole time, but I felt that it wasn't right to talk to her after the whole thing. There was one time when she was there alone with me for about 2 hours and i couldn't say a thing. Why? i don't know. She doesn't seem interested in hearing what i had to say; i thought to myself.

Well, it wasn't long till she celebrated her birthday and i managed to get her something. I still don't know how she felt but i was like being so like not me when i was around her. Why? I don't know. Still kinda sad but trying so hard not to show it i guess. So it went on and on, until one day when we went out as a gang to squares.

Here i was forced to pick her up in the LRT station cause her sis had something up and would be late, so now she will come by herself. I hurried to the station for some reason scared that she might already be there. Well, when i got there, i waited for a while and eventually she came. As we went walking back to Squares, Well something happened la, I suddenly became like-gila-not-me person. Well, we were laughing and talking like normal friends do and that was good la. Something else happened when we were about to cross the long long road.

She grabbed my hand. I supposed she would just let go at the other end. But she didn't, instead she grabbed my whole hand and held it across hers. We were like talking like mad mad people and playing around at the streets. I found it rather funny at first. As i tried to let go, eventually she still pulled me, i didn't want to let her go as well. I felt there was something. i wanted something . We went walking around the whole squares with our hands together and it was, pleasant. I remember the Lion Dance. Couldn't forget that.

We met up with the gang and we waited for the movie to start in about 20 minutes or so. Suddenly she got a call from and she got up. She asked me to follow her downstairs to get something. So i did follow her. We raced downstairs, from what i know it was fun. We went searching for 7-11. I accidentally went to the wrong floor so we was forced to go to the ground floor instead. We caught up with her sister and so we made our way back to the theaters and we went on holding each others arms.

On our way there, her sister asked this question 'So you guys got back together?' The both of us was like speechless. Both of us didn't know what to say. Well, i remember asking her once before actually going up stairs "Are we getting back together?" and all i can hear her say was 'I don't know' voices from the background was very interrupting and i didn't got the clear answer. Well, i didn't want to ask her again afraid that she would feel scared or embrassed in a way. I shut up for a while. So we went for the movie i guess. I didn't actually enjoy the movie but some of them really wanted to watch this movie so i didn't show any signs of boredom.

After the movie we went for bowling. So while waiting for the others to pay, i sat down close to her and i guess it was another opportunity to ask her again. So i did, i asked if we were getting back together, she replied saying, I don't know.. I asked her Do you want to? and she said i want to, do you? So we both know that we wanted it. and from then, we were once again reunited. And i was rather happy that we got back together. This time just excited as i ever was.

I didn't really cared about anything else. Now that she said it from her mouth, to my ears and she actually said it to me face to face was enough to prove that she wasn't joking at all about this. It was love and yes, i love her. We were so so in love for the whole month since then. I remember getting her a valentines gift but unfortunately she left minutes earlier or I was rather late. Well Valentines day has just not been my day, "flash backing" the time En Saad whipped my backside for being a busybody. I still can't forget that darn Calvin's face when i got smacked. he was laughing all the way.

So i had to wait till the next day. Following day, I met up with her. I was talking to her and i gave her my valentines card and a small gift. She was smiling all the way. Its nice to see her smile. She is just extra pretty when she does so. At that time, I was crazy about her, i wanted her to be mine. I loved her so much. I expressed how i felt. and she said she felt the same way. Another thing that happened on this day was something special. I can never stop thinking about it. I loved her so much more for that. She was my everything.

We loved each other very much, we kept talking about that day and everything else. Well, days later, there was this day when she called me at night saying that there wouldn't be any transport early enough to bring her home after school. So she was wandering if I couldn't walk her home. Its was a small favor. Well yes i did walk her home that day. Although it was rather a long walk, it was a memorable one. We talked, fooled around, even went quiet at times. She brought me to this place where she liked, it was rather nice with the playground and stuffs. Really brings back old memories when i actually gazed at the scenery.

We were almost there so i tried to find where i was situated. I remember this road or at least tried to. Well she said it was ok from there onwards. She was able to walk home. She called we to the side and gave me something. It was something i didn't thought she would give, although i was honestly hoping for. From then on, i knew she loved me so much and how could i ever been a fool for doubting her. It was something that i would keep as a memory. It was so sweet of her. She went home and i couldn't think straight for a moment. I didn't move, i was stuck in my own world for a few minutes.

Well, skipping the part i walked back home. So we got back to the usually messaging with each other. For one thing i know, i wanted her to mine. I was really addicted to her. She was my everything and I gave her my heart. I told her that she was now part of me and nothings gonna change that. We were both really in love with each other and It just got better and better as days gone by.

One night, she suggested that we go on a date. Well i didn't disapprove, in fact, i was more than happy to go out with her. It was my first date and it was pretty nervous. Well, we started of the day early at 9.30 i guess. So we walked to squares and booked the movie we were gonna watch. We did go for a drink cause 10 was like way to early and nothing much was happening during that time. We went to the top floor and went chatting as well as being quiet for moments. Then we both didn't know where to go.. So we went walking.. I remembered this beautiful scenery on the 3rd floor of squares so I took her there.

It was beautiful just taking a look at it. This point of my life took a big twist when something on happened. I gave her what i owe her and It would always be something that i will never ever forget. Well, that wasn't until she actually said that we were going way to fast. This point i remember shedding a few drops. I didn't actually showed it to her. I didn't see her happy and probably she isn't. Maybe it was that. I felt really wrong. I was angry at my own actions. But i tried not to ruin anything and keep my emotions to myself. Maybe by now she isn't feeling the love that we once had anymore.

So, we just watched the movie. In the theater though, we got close to each other, in some way, I just hoped that she didn't meant what she said earlier and it was a complete joke to try and fool me. Being in the theater, watching the movie wasn't as fun as it should be. So when the movie ended. There was still time to actually go for lunch. Which didn't turn into lunch. She said she was not hungry. Well it was normal for her not being hungry. I don't blame her though. I wasn't hungry too. But i remember that i owed her that Mocha Mud pie.

So we headed to TGIF, and i met up with the guys. Well, we ordered the mocha mud pie and thats it i guess. I sat beside her and i tried to converse with her. At this time, I couldn't actually figure out what type of mood she is it. Its really hard to tell. Cause, its just hard. If you can see it then you'll understand. At that point i kept asking if she was ok or not and stuffs like that la.. I can clearly see something is wrong. She is much different from the first time we went out. I like that time more. She was lively. I didn't like the second version of her. It was as if she was forced to entertain my wackiness.

We left TGIF to back to squares. And she wanted to go back to that spot at the third floor, Only higher. Well, I just followed her and we ended up going back to the third floor. Again it. It was sweet. And it was running late she had to rush back to the LRT. So i followed her. Teman her until the end there. Then she said thank for the date. it was fun. I honestly felt that it was not a good move to tell her about how i didn't like it so i said I had fun too.

I couldn't help but to figure out why was she that way. I felt so wrong. So disturbed. It was like she was forced to do something she doesn't want to. I had the feeling that it wasn't gonna last very long. I didn't want that to happen. After all we've been through, i didn't want that to happen. I love her so much. But I had this stupid feeling that haunts me that it seems that she didn't feel the same way about me. I actually liked her more when we first went out now that was more than anything..

Days later i received a message from her. She said she wants to 'let me go' and that she can't concentrate on her studies. It was a total heart break. I was really devastated with her decision. I went to my room sobbing away. I can't help but do so. After all that we've been through. She mentioned that we can still be friends. I didn't really cared much what she had to say after that. All i know is that I was in the verge of bleeding my heart out.

I wrote another blog just to make her feel less guilty. So i eventually blamed somethings that i didn't do on myself as well as placing myself as the downfall of this relationship. I also lied when i said i would be ok. Come on, who would?

It took me sometime to actually get myself back together about 1-2 weeks. I didn't really care about anything she had to say or do from then on. I was pain to the highest limit. This was the second time that this happened. Well, to her, I was a ghost and to me she was one as well. I couldn't see her or hear her or what ever. I don't think that I could see her face-to-face after this, I had to respect her decision. If I saw her again, that feeling of trying to get her back would take control. It was a difficult thing to go through, giving up something or someone that you love. To get rid of it just like that is extremely difficult. It took me time and I almost got over it. I was back to the old Remon back when i was in form 2. I was okay in every sense expect of my dark attitude.

After 3 weeks since the break up. She sms me asking why am I avoiding her. Well, being angry and all, i was in a ok ok situation where nothing seems to bother me. Well, I didn't know I was avoiding her, i thought she was avoiding me and so I also avoided her. I couldn't possibly tell her something she doesn't want to hear right? Well, it really didn't seem to care actually. She didn't need me. She just don't want anyone to hate her i guess.

4-5 days later, she asked me to come online. She wrote an offline message, something that i didn't expect. And now, probably she felt really guilty of leaving me. She realized what she did was her mistake and she was hoping that I know that she still loves me. She want me to know that when she meant forever, she actually meant it. I didn't understand anything at all. I was still upset with the fact that she failed to understand what i was going through and to make things worse, she didn't even turn to say sorry until that very day. It was really really something sad.

For all I know, she still loves me. I was really angry at this time. But i didn't want to put all my tantrum on her so i tried to be patient. The next day, she came on again. Again she said sorry for hurting me. I just accepted the apology and intended to move on. Thats when i told her, I just wanted her to be happy. Even if it means giving up all my love to you. I don't mind sacrificing all to make you happy. Although it hurts me, as long as you're happy. That was basically what was going through my mind the whole time.

At first, all i wanted to do was just accept the apology and nothing else. I didn't wanted to make up with her. I cared less about getting back together. But eventually, something changed that. I began asking her things and from there i got to know. All this girl ever wanted was someone to talk to. Someone she could share everything with. She used to have a good friend back when she was younger but they were separated.

Having plenty of friends and not having even one who cares about you just hurts, according to her statement. I believe the same and i also sympathized her. I tried placing myself in her shoes to understand that situation. Its just bad. wrong. hard. worrying. She was a sad lonely person after all. All she wanted was a good friend. Then i told her that i would be come her good friend just to cheer her up.

But sometimes it just hard to believe that no one cares about her. Its like, she is always talking so nicely with them and basically seemed to be the happy-go-lucky type. I mean is this a trick or some sort? Why find me back when you seem to have thousands or others out there. I mean, look at me! Why am i that special to you?? I failed to understand you! I failed to love you so much! I failed and failed and failed.. Why do you come back to me? Sometimes its just freaking hard to even think about it..

And most probably she misinterprinted. I mention friends. I didn't want to go anywhere closer than to causing my 3 heartbreak by the same person. But somehow i didn't want her to be sad. So i also told her that i would love her. But for the time being, we maintain as friends. Try to get to know each other better before proceeding.

Thats where She and Me stands right now.

Sometimes I don't even know what am i doing. I just want to make her happy. I have no intentions to hurt anyone or try to make anyone my enemy. I just don't like that. Whatever happens, I just want everyone to be happy.. Sometimes i get carried away when it comes to caring for someone..

Its like that. When you give 100% to someone and at the end of the day you end up breaking up it would just hurt so bad that you forget the whole meaning of love after that. I don't want to go back to the same path again and again. 2 times you have cause me heartache and pain. Probably you might say that I'm weak to accept the girl who broke my heart. No, I'm strong into realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

You must know something. Being in love with a totally different/opposite person from you is very hard. She is smart, She has the looks, she has the money, basically everything. Look at me, I know im not handsome, just perasaan handsome, i'm not smart i'm rather lazy, and the money factor is just up to average. Besides, I'm an extrovert and shes more of a introvert.

All i'm gonna say is, If you want this relationship between me and you to bloom, you gotta do much much more than the previous time.. But I'll admit.. I'm won't put my 100% heart in it like the last time right after what happened to me previously. But my word is my word.. i'll keep my promise. I'll always be here if you need me and i'll love you as long as you love me with all your heart.

I just hope that you actually start being a different you. I don't like to pretend. I don't know why i care too much about others. I think that was it.. My biggest weakness is that i care too much.